My life is a rollercoaster

Ok, so obviously the past year and a half has been very difficult- filled with many ups and downs... mostly downs in 2009. But in April we moved into our own place again and things have been going better and better. We decided it was time to "try" to give Ashlyn a sibling. She is 2 1/2 and I think thats a good age gap. Well- after months of never preventing anything, with obvious results (nothing) I decided to scrape up the money and go back to see my Dr in Cedar. The cash price for patients there is much cheaper than here PLUS, he is my Dr- knows my history and all that. Well, we went to see him a few weeks back and he did an ultrasound and a checkup. We are starting another cycle w/ the fertility med clomid. Thats how we finally successfully conceived Ashlyn- so we are thinking positive that this will work again. Although nothing is guaranteed.. Well, the thought of another baby is making me so giddy, thinking of all the wonderful 1sts we'll get to witness and how Ashlyn will make such a great big sister. Then yesterday I get a call from the Dr w/ results of my annual exam... Hi Christa this is nurse ____, I have the results of your pap-verify your birthday- ok, well, they came back abnormal.. silence from me. What do you mean it came back ABNORMAL?? Well, there are some abnormal cells- Dr wants you to come in for a procedure called a Colpol. wth is a colpol? bla bla bla... Dr may take a biopsy of the cells.. (conversation continues w/ me frantically writing all the info down so I can tell Scott and my Mom what she's telling me)... bla bla... She said the fertility meds shouldn't have any impact on this right now. So finally I ask, what does abnormal mean? That I have cancer? She says No, but, if untreated it could turn into cancer... WTH!?!?!?(*)#&*%)#
Immediate bursting into tears. We want to schedule you as soon as possible- since this is considered an emergency, we will set you up on a payment plan if you don't have the money for the appointment right now...
Holy crap, have I not had enough crap to deal with and sort through, now this??? OMG- wow... I don't really know what else to say about this right now, other than please pray its not cancerous- I would really like to be around to see my children grow up