my wish

Merry Christmas to all my blogging friends. I truly hope that you have a wonderful, merry, family filled, blessed Christmas.
I'm hoping for something that I don't think Santa can bring me- a 2nd baby... I'm currently on my 4th month of fertility meds. If not successful this month- the Dr says I have to wait 3-4 months before we can try again. I feel very discouraged, but, luckily Scott is on the positive swing this month. He keeps saying this is the month- he can feel it. Everything is pointing to a positive outcome. I have my doubts. We tried to get pregnant for 3 years before we were finally blessed with a pregnancy which has given us our amazing daughter. She will be 3 next month. I remember begging and pleading with the Lord- I promised him that if I was blessed with 1 healthy baby, I would Never be greedy and cry for more. Yet, here I am feeling so overwhelmed with sadness at the thought that I may not be able to make Ashlyn a big sister. It's hard to not, blame myself. When in all honesty- it is ME that has the issues. The fertility issues I mean. Scott is in perfect working order- and my body is well... royally screwed up. I don't know why this happens to so many women these days. If it's our diets or vaccines that we've received when we were younger... who knows. I certainly don't. Even if I did, I don't think it would make me feel better. I would just be mad and know why. Now I'm mad, but I don't have anyone to blame for it.
I think Ashlyn would be the best big sister- I would give my left arm to give Scott a son. To have that feeling of being pregnant again- to feel my baby kick- there are not many things I wouldn't do. But, it doesn't matter what I want or think would be best. God has a plan for our lives- and I really do want to be grateful and content with what he gives and when he gives it.
Any of you who have kids- promise me this. You will hug and kiss them everyday. You will never take for granted a single hour you have with them. They are blessings- they are miracles that you have been blessed with. Everyone is not so lucky. Some people never even get to know what it's like to smell their baby and cradle them in their arms. To kiss a boo boo, wipe a tear, heck, even change a dirty diaper. Its an honor to experience all these things.
Thank you Lord for my daughter. Please help me to be the best Mom she could ever ask for. Help me to teach her to know you and trust you. Help me raise her in your image, to know your truths. Thank you. Amen