the roller coaster continues

well, the past month has been nothing less that CHAOTIC for Scott, Ashlyn and myself... after we got back from the road trip visiting his family back home- he actually got 2 part time jobs. Great right? not exactly... 1 was in Vegas and 1 was in Cedar. Yep, you've got it- we've been commuting back and forth twice per week (Ashlyn and me have skipped a couple trips- its too hard with a baby) for the past month.
about 2 weeks after he started at the golf course PT, they told him they had to cut hours- then the 2nd job almost magically "appeared" in our path- and doing what a Man has to do to support his family- he took it. They told him that job was only temporary- no promise of hours or days, but they would start him at a pretty good wage until the person who he was filling in for returned to work. (some guy got hurt and had to take time off) Well, about a week ago, the golf course in Vegas had some unexpected changes in staffing (some guy told off a customer and got fired, then the following week, there was a no call no show) so today they called Scott and said they want to offer him more hours- 4-5 days per week in fact. HOORAY RIGHT?!?! well, no- as usual everything is a struggle, every decision torments us and we are completely torn as to what we should do. This week we were in Cedar Scott has worked grave yard shift- 18 hours for the week. He is a zombie- every joint in his body is hurting, his knees are swollen (thank you good old hockey injuries) and I actually really miss having my husband around. Here's the dilemma- the job in Cedar although temporary and not so fun- pays better. Oh what to do- we've run calculations on wages- tips- even gas money traveling back and forth. Our house is STILL up for sale and we have shut off everything except the power, gas, internet and water- so we don't even have tv we can watch while we're here. Well- Scott took the plunge and made a decision- he told the golf course he would love to take the extra shifts- he would love to be with his family- he would love to not travel between states every 3 days. Is that wrong? Should we have kept up this madness for a couple extra dollars? I'm thinking no... but, what will everyone else say? I guess it's not really their decision to make but I can't help but feel like we're doing the best we can, and somehow- its still not good enough. Of course the PT job here in Cedar is probably disappointed or feels let down, but won't someone always feel let down?
We sure feel let down that he was laid off from his job in April and its causing our whole world to collapse in on us- is that wrong? Should we just be OK with that? The fact that we will probably become a statistic and lose our home- something we worked so hard for? It's not fair. It sucks. I hate it! I'm pissed. I'm sad. I'm losing my mind I think.
I just wish that for once- something was made really easy- and very clear- that we would pray about it and instantly there would be an answer- something blatantly obvious. That's just not the way things work though. I'm embarrassed to write this- Scott will probably want to murder me for posting this- but, I just have to get it out... thats really what blogging is all about isn't it?